So, more and more I stumble upon
a page where there seems to be a
textbox for feedback, but actually
it is a page where someone has
placed a way for me to click on
a textbox opening a popup that
asks me to login to facebook to
submit a comment.
I do not want a facebook account.
I am looking for a feedback mechanism
because something is broken. I need to
have a facebook account to notice
that something is broken? Or for my
feedback to have value? Or maybe
the idiot that codes the website wants
the incompetence by which I have been
upset to be on all the social media sites
so everyone else can know about the
problem before anyone has a chance
to fix it?
He may call you someday.
He might answer some earlier emails.
I think he is mostly ok.
I am sure he misses you.
I think this may be him pretending to be himself.
I realize you are just trying to help
with the blah-blah-blah, but really -
one blah is helpful and more than
one blah starts to become anti-helpful.
I do love you though.
I was thinking after I read your email
in which I learned you were out of your
meds, and that you get terrible headaches
when you don’t have them, and how you
have had this terrible headache for some
time and I realize that your current condition
of being headached might have affected your
ability to be cognizant of the multiplicity of
I have to change buses a few times
whenever I go anywhere. There is often
a waiting time between when I arrive on
one bus and leave on another. When I
am traveling to tutor on wednesday I
have some minutes either at bellevue
transit center or the mercer island park
and ride or both and sometimes another
place also. Wednesday I did get a
samich and chips and soda at the
quiznos that is at the bellevue TC.
It was the first food I had on wednesday
and I think not eating makes my mental
state worse than it already is. I don’t know
how many days a week you don’t eat or
drink anything all day, but it doesn’t make
one especially clever sometimes.
Anyway, sometimes people think things
they say are reasonable and they are,
but sometimes things they say don’t
seem as reasonable to me as they
seem to be to the people. The thing
is that when I hear things that sound
unreasonable to me I listen less.
It seems completely reasonable
to me that I chose to use three hours
to sleep in a 24 hour period instead
of zero hours, and that I ate something
instead of eating nothing.
By the way, it would be a lot more
reasonable to have been disappointed
that I did not call the doctor Thursday
than disappointed that I did not call
the doctor on Wednesday.
You probably don’t want to waste time
and effort counterproductively telling
me about things I should have done
or should not have done, but instead
just tell me the one blah about the one
thing that I probably should do.
And also the more complicated the ‘one’
thing is the less likely I will complete it.
So like call the doctor is simple enough,
but deciding things before making the call,
actually deciding anything could be too much.
I mean that is what makes grading so difficult.
It is easy to see when something the student
wrote is wrong or is not wrong, it is deciding
the value or lack of value of the wrongness
that is the forever taking thing.
By the way - I have been up all night
doing work — not yet any fun time —
so well anyway, I mean normally I
would waste the whole night watching
the internet, but I have been busy with
work stuff so I never got around to
Well, I paused for a second because
aaron and lisa had awoken, and I went
and got some food. So, back to this email.
I did not shower, or laundry, or call on the
Wednesday. On the Thursday I did shower
and laundry, but I did not call and I did not
deliver an envelope, and maybe other things.
So today I need to call, and deliver the
envelope, and pay the credit card, and
maybe other things — but first I need to
finish these things that I told the students
I would do before I slept. Oh, and before
Since I will be up until midnight tonight
and I have been up since I forget when
yesterday (1430?, 1230?) it might be
ok to take a nap at some point today.
Do you realize how much of my time
you used up by making me write you
this very very very long email.
So it totally did not workout the
way I had thought. So at first I
was productive minded and I
was thinking about how I would
do laundry and take a shower
and call the doctor and figure
out the drugstore.
And figuring out the drugstore
is maybe more complicated
then it seems - unless maybe
I was overanalyzing it a little -
because I want to pick a store
that is convenient as opposed
to inconvenient. Ok maybe I
should clarify a bit. So there
is one store downtown, that is
a block away from where I
sometimes have a layover
between buses. I think that
could be a good one, except
that if I needed to go get the
meds on a day that I wouldn’t
normally go downtown it would
be a two hour bus trip plus the
time in the store. Plus some
of the times I pass through
downtown are late - and if the
place was not a 24hrs place
I couldn’t go there then. But
if I was getting the meds on
a day in which I do go downtown
I could just leave 30 minutes
early and get the meds no problem.
On the other hand there is a drugstore
by Alex’s house and I could maybe
just walk the 15 blocks to there and
catch a bus by there when I am going
somewhere. OR another idea would be
finding a drugstore on my route between
aaron’s and the college - but I guess that
actuall only comes up 4 times a week,
and three of those are evenings where
I would wait 60 minutes on the next bus.
Anyway while I was struggling to make
the very best decision on the drugstore
I realized that I was really tired. I was
suddenly very unhappy about the idea
to just not sleep and decided that three
hours of sleep was better then zero and
I set my trogdor alarm and slept from
like 0920ish to 1220ish and then got up
and went to tutor sans laundry and sans
shower. I missed a connecting bus and
tutored from 1500 to 1800 and then the
lady dropped me off at campus and I
did grading and lab-prep stuff from then
until the lab from 1950 to 2200 then got
home at 2250 and then ate my leftovers
from lunch and aaron got home and we
chatted and I washed some dishes and
started this email and aaron chatted with
me more and now he just went to bed and
now I am feeling tired and hmmm I think
I may have only slept around three hours
'last night' which was really this morning
and three hours the night before which
was really yesterday morning and now I
am magically sleepy and/or tired feeling.
The downtown drugstore would be convenient
4 days a week, 5 if opened 24hrs, and 1 more
only be 60 minutes extra vs 120 minutes.
The one by alex would be a 15 block walk
on the four days it would be convenient and
a 120 or more minute ride the other days.
The other one is less good I think. OK,
so it took me like all day but I think the
downtown drugstore is best.
So I failed today but I think I can not fail
quite as bad tomorrow.
So, probably it is ok to trash a lot more stuff
than would have been ok a few years ago.
To some extent I probably have unrealistic
ideas about the value of things still, and so
I would prefer to ebay those things rather
than throw them away, but as it may turn
out no one in the universe wants those
things, I might be convinced to let go
of some of those things.
You can recycle newspapers and cereal
boxes, throw away food, keep any cash,
keep almost anything you would be taking
to actually have and not just ‘have’ for a day
so that you could throw your own trash away.
Although I would feel more comfortable if you
sent me a picture saying ‘can I have this’ or
in extreme situations maybe ‘I took this’ so
that I know the disposition of the items.
I always think I want papers on which I have
written, and perhaps it is mostly the case.
There may be papers on which I have written
that have become a paper-mache hexahedron
the size of the previously containing box.
I would like to imagine I could save the paper
sculpture and at some point access what I
imagine is awesome ideas but if the reality
is that the writing is inaccessible, especially
when the ideas are probably lame as well,
and the grossness of the cube shaped rock
of paper means it is unwelcome most places,
I could imagine accepting the loss of the paper.
Of course, lest someone steal my ideas or
maybe discover some secret I had written
in cipher on a small paper in the center of
the cubic paper stone, I would most prefer
that the cube somehow be put through a
nice crosscut shredder and subsequently
incinerated. I lament every few days that
I did not crosscut shred and subsequently
incinerate every paper on which I had written
that left my apartment in Austin and either
went into a dumpster or were taken buy the
eco-friendly got-junk people.
Remember that there may be currency in
the parcels in places you would not expect,
like a few twenties between newspapers in
a box full of just newspapers.
There should be somewhere my purdue seal
rug/tapestry made from alpaca fur. I think my
purdue letter jacket. A large container of about
64 gallons of snoopy.
I will be tutoring on Sunday from about 1145 to
about 1600. So I will be on a bus to there or a
bus from there between 1000 and 1145 and also
between 1600 and 1745. Those are PST times.
I communicate Sunday morning though - if I am
awake at that time.
Hey, what about all those books that are on the
shelves in mom’s office type room. and I guess
also the shelves. I totally would really like to have
some shelves right now.
Maybe we could talk about this more later?
Hey, I wanted to clarify about Sunday….
All times in the next text are PST.
After midnight today I will go to sleep.
I would get up probably around 0900.
At 1000 I will be at the bus stop and
take a bus to my tutoring gig.
I will tutor from 1145 to 1600.
At around 1600 I will take a bus from
the house of the tutor to that of Aaron.
At around 1800 I will arrive at the house
of Aaron and DM Lisa, Aaron, and others -
until about 2200.
Now I won’t be able to access communication
media like gmail or phones or the internet when
on the bus or tutoring and maybe not while I am
So in Indiana time:
0400 - 1200 asleep
1200 - 1300 awake
1300 - 1500 on bus
1500 - 1900 tutoring
1900 - 2100 on bus
2100 - 0100 DMing
So I guess I could
have the skype on
before I go to sleep
so that you could
call and ask me
1200 Indiana time.
I might be able to check
email between 1300 and
2100 somehow but we
should not count in it.
I do not think I should try
and cancel my tutoring so
that I could be standing by
to communicate with you.
I do not think I technically had migraines,
although I used to get headaches a lot.
Only maybe once was a headache bad
enough that it made me throw up.
Since I never knew when it was from stress,
or sinus problems, or not drinking caffeine,
or having non-thin blood or something else;
I would always just take sudafed, ibuprofen,
and Excedrin. Sometimes when I thought it
was stress related I tried to convince myself
that everything that might be a stress was not
important and did not matter and if I could then
manage to get to sleep sometimes the headache
would be reduced or gone in the morning.
I think that for some people stress or guilt or shame
or whatever somehow helps them to behave in a way
that is ‘good’ or healthy or something. However I find
that most of the time I would get headaches or anxiety
or depression type feelings that lead to me not doing
the things I should have done or should be doing even
At some point I started having headaches less, maybe
when I started having anxiety attacks, or intestinal issues,
or gnashing my teeth, or waking up with a vomit taste in
my mouth. It is as if the stress of which I seem to do so
well not being consciously aware is somehow causing
physical consequences that I cannot ignore - as if the
stressful things want to be acknowledged in some way.
Also, I regret that I never communicate with anyone - not in
a way that increases the likelihood of future communication
of course, just in a way that makes me feel bad about it if
I were to ever risk being in a turtle free environment where
I might momentarily reflect on it.
I vaguely recall some story about blood vessels in the brain
of a limited diameter.
In case I am too busy not doing things I should be doing later
- happy birthday Karin - and I hope you did not send me any
of the things I mentioned I was going to buy because I may
have neglected to mention my current mailing address.
Date: June 5, 2005 11:12:36 PM PDT
I had been all ready to write a very long email
response covering many issues and sub-issues
when I realized that I did not have all the data in
front of me with which to refer. Rather than make
you wait and wait for my highly treasured and
sought after opinions I thought I might hasten
things along by first getting the data straight.
Perhaps I could endeavor to lay the foundations
of my comments without having access to said
data however I then implore you to take me at
my word with slight skepticism if any as any
perception of weakness in that foundation is
purely due entirely to the aforementioned
sparseness of data, and such perceptions,
being the illusions that they are, should be
discounted as aberrations and instead all
my words should be taken as truth in good
faith, not the benefit of the doubt I ask of thee,
but rather the benefit of though not a blind faith,
perhaps a faith in what is seen in only shadowy
illumination. That said let me continue in my typically
gregarious, but less unfortunately atypically numerically
E Pluribus Unum
If you say something that you think is true,
but which turns out to not be true, you did
not lie - rather you were mistaken.
You are forgiven, both for your misuse of
the term lied as well as for your apparent
I suppose there must be some terms that
refer not to willful deceit but to a failure to
meet some obligation, though care would
need be taken to review the subtleties as
I suspect that the applicability of these
terms may be subject to the details of
how the obligation arose - such as the
making of a promise or a vow, which I
do not presently recall having occurred.
I must admit, however, that I do hope that
your predictions of future deposits being
made will turn out to be more accurate
than your previous auguries portend.
Karin To: william
ok. do you know how much I love you?
william To: Karin
I believe that my estimate of infinity-love
is approximately correct.