I do not think I technically had migraines,
although I used to get headaches a lot.
Only maybe once was a headache bad
enough that it made me throw up.
Since I never knew when it was from stress,
or sinus problems, or not drinking caffeine,
or having non-thin blood or something else;
I would always just take sudafed, ibuprofen,
and Excedrin. Sometimes when I thought it
was stress related I tried to convince myself
that everything that might be a stress was not
important and did not matter and if I could then
manage to get to sleep sometimes the headache
would be reduced or gone in the morning.
I think that for some people stress or guilt or shame
or whatever somehow helps them to behave in a way
that is ‘good’ or healthy or something. However I find
that most of the time I would get headaches or anxiety
or depression type feelings that lead to me not doing
the things I should have done or should be doing even
At some point I started having headaches less, maybe
when I started having anxiety attacks, or intestinal issues,
or gnashing my teeth, or waking up with a vomit taste in
my mouth. It is as if the stress of which I seem to do so
well not being consciously aware is somehow causing
physical consequences that I cannot ignore - as if the
stressful things want to be acknowledged in some way.
Also, I regret that I never communicate with anyone - not in
a way that increases the likelihood of future communication
of course, just in a way that makes me feel bad about it if
I were to ever risk being in a turtle free environment where
I might momentarily reflect on it.
I vaguely recall some story about blood vessels in the brain
of a limited diameter.
In case I am too busy not doing things I should be doing later
- happy birthday Karin - and I hope you did not send me any
of the things I mentioned I was going to buy because I may
have neglected to mention my current mailing address.